Over this past week, I have felt alone. Not just the normal homesickness, but a feeling that there is no one in Logan that I really trust and love like I have at other places. I felt alone in a big school with lots of people who didn't care about me. It was easily the most lonely I've ever felt in my entire life. After having a bad day at work, I came back to my apartment at 11 and laid on my bed and prayed that I might feel some sort of love that day. After finishing my prayer, I started listening to the conference talk by Elder Holland from April 2009 about how Christ completed the whole atonement completely alone and that he will never leave us. This was already brightening my spirits as I heard a knock on my door. I opened it to find Keeton, a friend who lives up stairs, who came in and gave me a hug and said he was trying to find his computer cord. Right then, he was an answer to my prayers because I needed someone to be with me. I left my apartment to institute feeling fairly happy again and my day seemed like it was looking up and it did. I got a haircut and I had a nice chat with my roommates, but I had to do some laundry before I left to BYU, so I set off to the Laundromat, once again alone.
It hit me there again. I was alone. Devin is two hours away, my family is one hour away, Hunter and Gage are both one hour away, and Amber is two hours away. I had no one with me in Logan and I finished my laundry to come back to an empty apartment. So I prayed again and listened to another conference talk, this time by Elder Scott from April 2011... I think. This is my favorite talk of all time. He speaks so tenderly of his wife and it just reminds me of what I can have someday. And then I took a nap because they only thing I wanted to do was escape from inside my head. I woke up to a missed phone call from my mom, who told me she loved and she thought she should call me today. Once again, Heavenly Father proved how much He loved me and wants me to be happy. He's always there for me and I know that now more than ever. Throughout the day, I also called a few friends who made me feel happy about life. I am so excited to move down to Provo eventually and see Amber Wise, who might just be the most amazing, beautiful girl to ever walk this earth. She has always been a blessing in my life. Another is Hunter Amanda Jensen, who is the very best friend a person could ask for. I can always feel her comforting touch to my face whenever I talk to her and seriously, girl, I MISS YOU. And I can never forget Gage. He is seriously one of my very best friends and our almost daily conversations leave me laughing and looking like a fool as I wander campus during common hour. If you ever feel insecure, call Gage. He'll make you feel amazing inside. And I could never forget Devin. We have nightly conversations that last anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours! They are easily the highlight of everyday for me. This night, I was feeling particularly low when he called me and by the end of the conversation, I was laughing and smiling. He knows how to make me happy and I hate having to wait a week at a time to see him.
By the end of the day, I felt good about my life again. I am determined to feel happy under any circumstance and I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for showing me so many tender mercies.
